Rev. Dr. Mike Wooton

Dating can be a lot of fun, and it should be! It can also get confusing pretty quickly.
If you don’t have clarity, you can end up in the same relationship asking very different questions.

If I could sit down across the table from you and talk about dating, this is where I would start.

1. Know Why You’re Dating and Say It!

This may sound simple, but you need to know why YOU are dating and SAY it.

Some people date just to enjoy time with someone. They like going out to dinner, having good conversations, and are okay with just seeing where things go. There is nothing wrong with that, but that is not why everyone is dating.

The person sitting across from you may be dating for a different reason. They may be intentionally looking for a spouse. Or, looking for answers to deep questions and all you want to do is talk about appetizers.

One person is thinking, “This is fun,” while the other is thinking, “Is this the person I’m going to marry?” Those are very different conversations happening at the same table…probably silently.

Know WHY you are DATING and SAY IT. Clarity here changes everything.

2. Prayer

If you’re dating, you have a built-in reason to pray more.

Pray before the date, pray after the date, pray when you’re excited, and pray when you’re confused. Invite God into every part of it, not just the big decisions, but the small moments too. Dating has a way of bringing emotions to the surface, and prayer helps you sort through what’s real and what’s not. Prayer slows you down enough to hear God in the midst of your feelings.

3. Discernment

Attraction matters. It is real, and it is part of how God created us, but discernment goes deeper. Pay attention to character. Watch for consistency. Notice their spiritual direction. Are they moving toward Christ, or just comfortable talking about Him? Discernment asks better questions than chemistry ever will.

Attraction is like the spark that starts a fire, but discernment tells you if there’s actually something there worth keeping lit.

4. Boundaries

Healthy boundaries are not restrictions, they are wisdom. They protect your heart. They protect your purity. They protect your future.

Think of boundaries like the lines on the road. They keep you in your lane and moving safely toward the destination God has for you. When those lines are clear, the journey is smoother. But when they fade or disappear, you start to drift and if you’re not careful, you can end up somewhere you never intended to go.

Emotional boundaries matter. Physical boundaries matter. Spiritual boundaries matter. When boundaries are unclear, relationships tend to drift. When boundaries are clear, relationships can actually grow in a healthy direction.

5. Fun

Dating should be enjoyable. Laugh together. Try new things. Share experiences. Go for a hike, try a new coffee shop, take a cooking class, walk through a local festival, serve together, or even just explore a place neither of you has been before. There should be moments where you genuinely enjoy being around each other.

Fun is not shallow, it often reveals authenticity. It shows how someone responds to life, to stress, to joy, to the unexpected. Plus, if you can’t laugh together now, just wait until one of you is assembling furniture later.

6. Compatibility

Have you ever tried to plug a three-pronged plug into a two-prong outlet? It doesn’t work. No matter how hard you try, it’s just not compatible.

Chemistry might start a relationship, but compatibility sustains it. Look beyond the surface. Are your values aligned? Is your faith aligned? Are you moving in the same direction when it comes to life, family, and purpose? Unity in the big things makes the long journey possible.

7. Friendship

If you think about Christian dating as building toward marriage, friendship is the foundation. And like any foundation, if it’s not strong, everything built on top of it will struggle.

At its best, dating grows out of genuine friendship. Learn to enjoy each other’s company without pressure. Talk. Listen. Be present. A strong friendship is not a bonus, it is the foundation.

In fact, research shows that about two-thirds of romantic relationships actually begin as friendships, highlighting just how important that foundation is for something lasting.

As friendship deepens, at some point you move from “getting to know each other” to “being intentional about where this is going.” That requires honesty. It requires communication. And it requires seeking God together as you discern next steps.

Final Thought

When you date with clarity, pray with intention, and seek God in the process, everything changes. You’re not just looking for the right person; you’re becoming who God is calling you to be.

And, if we were still sitting across that table, I’d tell you keep seeking Christ and the rest will fall into place.