Silence. It can be uncomfortable, can’t it? Maybe you’re the kind of person who feels responsible for keeping a conversation moving. The moment things get quiet, you start talking. You ask another question, tell another story, say something, anything, because silence feels awkward.
Prayer can feel the same way. You decide you’re going to pray. You find a quiet place, bow your head, close your eyes and then…silence. That’s when your mind starts going. “What am I supposed to say? Does God hear this? Am I doing this right? Was that a stupid thing to pray? Why can’t I concentrate?” Before long, the silence gets uncomfortable enough that you think, “Well, I gave prayer a try. Apparently I’m not very good at it.”
If you’ve spent much time around church, you’ve probably heard people who are really good at praying. Their prayers are sincere, articulate, thoughtful and full of Scripture. Most of the time, they’re simply trying to lead us well. However, if you’re new to prayer, listening to someone pray like that can be intimidating. You start thinking, “Is that what my prayers are supposed to sound like?” They somehow turn a prayer before lunch into something so beautiful you feel bad opening your eyes and eating afterward.
Here’s the good news: God isn’t grading your prayers. Prayer isn’t a performance. You don’t have to impress God, and you certainly don’t have to fill every second of silence. So what are you supposed to say? Jesus gives us a pretty good place to start.
1. Thank God
If you don’t know what to say when you pray, start with two simple words: Thank you.
Thank God for who He is. Thank Him for Jesus. Thank Him for the Holy Spirit. Thank Him for the Bible. Thank Him for the people He has placed in your life and for the ways He has provided for you. Start counting your blessings, and you may be surprised how quickly you discover you have more to say than you thought.
Naturally, some days gratitude comes easier than others. There will be days when life hurts and finding something to be thankful for feels difficult. On those days, thank God for what He has done in the past. Remember the prayers He has answered, the doors He has opened, and the ways He has carried you. And if today is especially hard, thank Him for what you trust He will do in the future.
You don’t need impressive words. You don’t need a long prayer. Just start with thank you.
Start with who God is. When Jesus taught His disciples to pray, He began, “Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name” (Matthew 6:9). Notice where Jesus starts. Not with problems. Not with requests. With God. Sometimes the best way to begin praying is simply to remind yourself who you’re talking to. God, “You are good. You are faithful. You are here. Thank You for loving me. You don’t need fancy words. You just need to begin.”
2. Tell God what’s really going on
Back in the 90s, we used to say, “Get real.” It was another way of saying, Stop pretending. Drop the act. Tell me what’s actually going on. Prayer is a place where we are to “get real.”
Now, we obviously shouldn’t share every thought and emotion with every person we meet. Try that and you’ll probably have fewer friends and get very little work done. Your quiet time with God is different. The God of the universe already knows what you’re thinking and feeling, so there’s really no reason to put on a front.
Tell Him the truth. God, I’m scared… angry. God, I’m disappointed…. I’m confused. God, I just don’t know what to do.
Have you ever been in a conversation where you knew something deeper was going on, but the other person refused to go there? You give up and talk about the weather, work, school or anything except what really mattered. You walked away thinking that you wanted to connect but the other person didn’t or couldn’t. I wonder if we sometimes do that with God. We stay on the surface while He’s inviting us into something deeper.
Read the Psalms and you’ll discover people doing exactly that. They tell God when they’re afraid, angry, exhausted, thankful and even when they wonder where He is. God can handle your honesty. More importantly, He wants your honesty.
Sometimes the most spiritual prayer you can pray isn’t the most impressive one. Get real with God.
3. Ask God for what you need
Ask for wisdom. Ask for strength. Ask for healing. Pray for your work, friends and family. You’re not bothering God. Asking reminds us of something we sometimes forget: we need Him.
Let me give you a little biblical tip that has helped me pray. Before you ask, think about what you’re really asking for. What do I truly need? What would God want to provide in this situation? How could the answer bring Him glory?
That begins to change the way we pray. Instead of simply saying, “God, give me what I want,” our prayer becomes, “God, here’s what I’m going through. Here’s what I believe I need. Provide for me in the way You know is best, and somehow use the answer to bring glory to You.”
Jesus said, “Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son” (John 14:13). Prayer isn’t about finding a formula that forces God to give us what we want. It’s about bringing what we need before Him and increasingly wanting what He wants. I’ve discovered something: when God’s will and God’s glory begin to matter more than getting my way, my prayers start to change. Prayers get answered. Tell God what you need.
4. Don’t be afraid of the silence
Let’s come back to where we started. Silence. What if the silence isn’t bad? What if it’s actually telling us something?
When we get quiet, at times, our mind starts racing. One thought leads to another, and suddenly we’re thinking about something we forgot to do three weeks ago. That may tell us something: there’s a lot going on inside us. Maybe God is saying you need time to unwind.
Other times, one thought keeps coming back. One problem, person or decision. Maybe instead of trying to push it away so you can “get back to praying,” that’s exactly what you need to pray about.
Other times sometimes there may be nothing to say at all. That’s okay too. Sit quietly with God. Ask Him to speak and simply listen. I believe God can bring something to your mind, use Scripture to speak to you, or simply remind you of His presence. If nothing happens, guess what? It’s okay. Prayer doesn’t require us to fill every second with words.
What are you supposed to say when you pray? Thank God. Tell Him what’s really going on. Ask Him for what you need. And then don’t be afraid to stop talking.
You don’t have to be good at prayer to pray. You just have to show up.
The next time the words stop coming, don’t assume something has gone wrong. Embrace the Silence. Maybe it’s won’t be as awkward as you thought.
Rev. Dr. Mike Wooton 
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